I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
