I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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