Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you never un-have a 4some
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
