life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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