im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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