Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
