why didn't you poke me back
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
