I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
