I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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