Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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