When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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