Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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