when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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