no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
