Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
