a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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