why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
