Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
