So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
