Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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