Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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