Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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