you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
