I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
