I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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