An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
