You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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