I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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