Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
