Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
