Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
