JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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