You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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