Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
