I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
