he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
