There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
