My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
