I want to have your abortion
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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