just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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