Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
