I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
