Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
