Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
