so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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