If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
