see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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