i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
