my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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