I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this boner is exhausting
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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