hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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