Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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