party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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