I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
