Where is the hickey?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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