what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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