there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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