Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
