even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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