did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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