some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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