i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
