I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
