Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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