I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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