My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
