Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
