Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
