I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
