First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
