Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
