in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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