and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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