so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
